Saturday, November 30, 2013
still here...still lost
Things haven't gotten any better...perhaps...no,,most definitely have gotten worse. I feel so stupid...maybe I am stupid. Powerless and confused. The people i thought i could rely to help me have all been a dismal fail. My options seem to decrease day by day. I don't know who to trust or where to turn....just keep smiling on the outside and suffering on the inside. the holidays this year seem to be the worse. I have no money although i seem to always be working. Totally useless and disinterested in all that is good. I know that the depression is what is pulling me down further but the words and actions of him just amplify the pain and sadness i feel inside. I dont know how much longer I can hold hold.
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I don't know the words to describe the complete... (I'll use the word 'dismay' for now but its not what I mean) dismay at reading about your pain. It's hard, as an outsider, to even begin to empathise with you, but I really and truly hope you are able to turn things around. If it's possible, I'd recommend finding other people that you can connect with, and if it IS possible then I'd definitely say surrounding yourself with positive people helps. The days when I was so depressed that i didn't want to live any more was changed by having at least once person who could make me laugh with a joke. Sometimes that's all it takes, but sometimes it takes too much energy to find that friend. Some days will be harder than others, I'm guessing. On the days it's not so bad, I'd start looking. I know its easier said than done. Maybe this advice didn't help at all, i dunno, but I hope it does. Please take care.
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