still here...still lost

Things haven't gotten any better...perhaps...no,,most definitely have gotten worse. I feel so stupid...maybe  I am stupid. Powerless and confused. The people i thought i could rely to help me have all been a dismal fail. My options seem to decrease day by day.  I don't know who to trust or where to turn....just keep smiling on the outside and suffering on the inside. the holidays this year seem to be the worse.  I have no money although i seem to always be working. Totally useless and disinterested in all that is good. I know that the depression is what is pulling me down further but the words and actions of  him just amplify the pain and sadness i feel inside. I dont know how much longer I can hold hold.